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stupid shit upon stupid shit! Beware of stupid people your not allowed to kill them even though stupidity should be a crime!
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Dust of a Dreaming Star
hopes, wishes, dreams, rantings, ravings, and the rest
31 December 2009 @ 11:03 pm
Well, this is definitely a first for a new year's eve for me. I'm actually having to stay in. I'm finally feeling better after feeling like shit all yesterday and most of today. Just sad and disappointed. I know I need to get my life back together. I've let everything get to me. I know I need to move on but its so hard. I'm trying to get use to the fact my family is not right here where I can just call or go see them. I miss my dog. I miss my boyfriend. Being in a long distance relationship sucks. I love him I do. I know i messed up in the past when I left him five years ago. I hope that he forgives me for that. I don't think he will because of how bad it was for him when I left. It was bad for me too. I thought I was doing what was right for both of us. I don't know anymore. It does not help that there is a chance I may have my stupidity from the ex last the rest of my life. I know he is worried that I am. What am I going to do if I am? How can I put him through that? I know he wants to be with me and I know he loves me. But, if I am how is that going to affect us? He tells me all the time how much he misses me and how much he loves me and that everything will work out. That he will be there for me no matter what and that he's not leaving. How can I believe that? What happens if I am and he leaves me? How can I handle that? I don't know if I can. I don't know how well I'm going to be able to handle the distance between us. How do I know he loves me and not who I use to be? I don't know if I will ever be like who I once was. Too much has happened since then. I have been through to much. I'm not the strong independent woman I once was. I don't know how to get her back. I can't seem to find my balance. I'm scared. I'm so scared that I am and I don't know how to handle it or what's going to happen. I'm scared that its going to be too much for him to take. I love him and don't want to loose him. Even though I think he is better off without me. I feel as if I'm broken. I don't know what I have to give anymore. I feel as if I'm drowning and I don't know how to break above to breath. My chest hurts so much. I think I'm going to go curl up and just wish that maybe tomorrow will be better. Love to all.
28 December 2009 @ 10:59 pm
I swear guys drive me up the fucking wall!!! Can anyone explain to me why they go from acting one way to another, then have the audacity to ask what is wrong? We have been talking nonstop for over a month! We emailed constantly. Hell! When he was on his way down here we emailed cause I did not have a phone. We spent to wonderful days together. The second was a surprise cause he left then ended up turning around because he found out he had more time and wanted to see me. He called constantly on his way to his family. Than today... I get maybe 3 phone calls. Each less than 3 minutes. Granted I understand all about family and traveling and all that. I get it. But, why call when you just have to tell me you'll call me back? I hate waiting for phone calls and I've come down to that with him. I miss him like crazy now that he's back in my life. Its been a really long time since I waited for phone calls and that's what I'm doing now. I don't like it! I hate being worried because I have no fucking clue what is going on. He has no clue how I'm feeling because if I told him, it would probably come out wrong. It does not help that psycho stalker ex calls my sis to "check up on her and dad". Really? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK!!! He even had the nerve to ask her why she has not called him! He was the one that freaked out on me because of what her beliefs are! If he only knew mine! Then the other ex before psych stalker ex, texted my sister to wish her happy holidays. I mean WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE D
Fucked up!28 December 2009 @ 07:41 pm
So much has happened lately. I finally moved back with Angel. Let the good times roll! Its definitely interesting here. I have my own room where I can be myself and have privacy. That's an actual bloody fucking miracle. I ended up back with an ex from like 5 years. Should definitely be interesting since he lives in another state. I always did better with long distance relationships. I miss my friends especially my best guy friend cause I really wish I could call him up right now to go have a few cold ones. I hope everything is going okay at home but I had to get away. I know there are some that think I'm running away from my problems but I'm not. I'm trying to get my shit together. As is, I'm no where near mental and emotional stability right now. I love how people keep telling me its okay its not just you , you have us. No I have me. I've always had the support of others but what it comes down to is me. I need to get myself back together and no one can do that for me. They can try and they can push but I'm a stubborn bitch we all know that. I have no idea but these fucking mood swings need to stop! The panic attacks have to go. I'm fucking tired of shit. I want to hibernate but I was told that today was my last day. well at least I had two days. Better than what I usually get. I hate constantly being nauseated. It takes everything I have to keep my food down these days. Not sure if its cause I was around pregnant person or if its just my nerves but I'm tired. I keep wanting to punch something and I'm not allowed. I can't wait till I get all my shit and I can feel like I belong somewhere. I doubt that I will ever feel like I belong. I've never felt that before. I take that back. Only one place I ever felt that and She's gone. Like I said before, oh well shit happens. Well. I need to go. Time to smoke a cigarette. Love to all who even gives a fuck!
16 December 2009 @ 10:40 pm
So much has happened. I no longer am with the total asshole that started shit with me the day babygirl passed away. It took a voice mail, a mean ass im, a dirty email telling him to fuck off, and me talking on the phone and telling him off to the point that every other word was a cuss word. He finally realized that there was no way in hell that I would ever be with him after the shit he put me through. But thats okay. I have a wonderful person in my life now. Or should I say back in my life. He has promised that this is going to be a christmas I will never forget. I kinda have a feeling that I know what it is. I am pretty sure I do. I just don't want to admit it because I'm scared shitless if it is what I think it is. What the hell am I going to do?Oh well, I'm just going to have to wait and see. I can't wait. We all know I'm the impatient sort. Hello?? Know what I mean? I have never been patient a day in my life. Hell I even was born two days early!! Alright enough about that I still have shit to organize and a room to clean while the pain in the ass rugrat is sleeping. oh what joy!! love to all and hope everyone has a wonderful christmas season!!!!
Current Location: By the Christmas Tree
Current Mood: 
devious
deviousCurrent Music: Between a Mother and a Child
13 December 2009 @ 12:04 pm
I know I'm not doing as good as I should be. I'm not sleeping right and I'm constantly bitchy this week. Everyone has their own oinion on what I should do and when. I know I need to get my head on straight. I knpw I'm depressed. Thats not ging to change over night. I'm not perfect. I'm far from it. I don't even have the privacy to cry. It doesn't matter where I go, its going to be the same way. I havn't been this bad in a long time. I know I'm not where I'm suppose to be in life. I know I can do so much more. I need sleep and I can't seem to get it. I need peace and there is none to be found right now. I want to disappear for any length of time right now. Just to get away for a while. Thats not going to happen anytime soon. I'm sick of being so freaking dependable. Why do I always have to be the responsible one? I'm getting so pissy. I know I need to get things done. I know what I have to do but I'm so sick of everyone telling me what i need to do or what they thinkg i need to do right now. I just need someone to be there for me and let me be me for now. For the last week or so all I hear is I need to get my shit together and I need to do this or i need to do that. I'm not getting any of that. If its not one its another. Why wont anyone just hold me and let me cry it all out? Why do I have to hold it all in and do what needs to be done? I know I'm depressed. I know I'm moodier than hell right now. I can tell. I'm fusterated and irritated by everything. I'm not stupid. I'm just getting to the point that if i can't get it all out of my system and soon 'm going to stop caring. And we know that is not a good thing when I do that. I end up doing some really stupid things. I'm trying my hardest not to get to that point. I just need everyone to let up a little and let me be me and let me get this out of my system. It doesn't take that long. but i havn't had the chance because i'm constantly doing what needs to be done around here and hearing what i need to do to get my life in order. I'm tired of living for everyone else. why wont you let me live for me? why wont you give me the time and caring that i need right now? why do i have to do it for everyone else but when i need it, i just hear about what i'm doing wrong? I keep hearing the same thigns over and over and over again. It makes me wonder if I have ever done anything right in my life? I'm just so tired I can't even think straight, but when I lay down and close my eyes, I keep thinking about everything that needs to be done and everything that I have to do. I'm so tired of it. I just need a few moments of peace. I need some time away to rest and clear my head. Mentally, I can't even do what I need to do for myself. As much as I love working, I know that I am not capable of it right now. I need rest first. I need to be able to think and I need to calm my nerves. I'm getting panic attacks on a daily basis. I feel as if I can't breathe anymore. I miss me.
tired07 December 2009 @ 08:12 pm
Why did she have to go? Why did he take her? She was only 16 months! She didn't even get to see her 2nd christmas. The baby girl I watched so breifly passed away Saturday morning. I can't believe it. She's gone. It hurts so bad that she is gone. I know that she is in a better place and isn't hurting anymore. It just kills me. I miss her so bad. The bf has been a total ass through this. I can't wait to get my phone from my ex who i believe i am falling in love with all over again. He has something special planned for christmas even though he wont be here. I miss him. Both Angel and Lindsey know what it is and wont even tell me. I know it has to be really special for them to not tell me. I'm scared. I have to go. I' tryin not to cry all over again. I'm so dumping the bf soon. I can't handle it anymore. Until next time...
04 December 2009 @ 03:56 pm
IT SNOWED!!!!! Everyone knows that doesn't happen very often here. Of course, it didn't stick to the ground but still. It was pretty. I'm so tired. I haven't been sleeping. My fault I know. I got so mad at the bf last night. I know I am with him so I am trying. He went on and on about how if my cousing and his pregnant gf move in with us at my aunts than I wouldn't have the time for him that he needs. Its all about him. I'm tired of it. I went and curled up in his bed and went to sleep while he was waiting for his parents to get home. That meant they didn't know I was there and had to wait till they went to sleep before he could take me home. I'm so confused. I really do care about the bf but I really don't think it is going to work. There is also my ex from 5 years ago. I know I left him because of all the lieing he did to me. He swears he's changed. He keeps telling me how much he's always cared and how he loves me still. He doesn't live in the same state as me. Matter of fact he is 1153 miles away. We have been talking every night. I don't get to bed till after I put the rugrat on the bus. I don't know what to believe or what to think. He wants me to be happy. He wants to come see me. I'm scared. What should I do? I want to hide. I'm scared that if I see him again I'll go running to him. I'm also scared that we will meet again and he will feel nothing. That everything he is saying is just something he imagines. He remembers so much and says the sweetest things but how can I trust him? I don't trust any guy anymore. They always say one thing and its never true. I don't know what to think. I know the bf is wondering what is wrong with me. I know my sister is thinking i am crazy right about now. My lil sis who is preggers with my cuz's baby thinks my bf now is going to turn into a real stalker. I'm just lost. Well, I got to go and do dishes and get a shower. I'll talk to everyone later I hope.
Current Location: Next To The Christmas Tree
Current Mood: 
scared
scaredCurrent Music: I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas
01 December 2009 @ 05:44 pm
Well, what can I say. Not much except that I am losing my mind. I have been crying for a few hours now. It started because I found something of Guy's and something just broke inside of me. I been thinking of my other ex. Its amazing that he remembers so much of our relationship. I don't think I have been with anyone who remembers things like he has. Even the bf now doesn't remember things. Which is where the last hour of me crying has come from. I was talking on the phone with the bf. We got off and he texted me. Supposedly, I snapped at him again. I don't think I did. I been trying so hard not to snap or bitch or complain. I been trying to be so sweet and nice to him. He told me that we were not breaking up but that he was backing off from me for a few days or however long I need it. That there is too much going on around me and that I need to get my head straight. That I have been whiney, needy, complainey, mouthy, moody, bitchy, and have been given him attitude. That he is tired of things going okay and either in text or over the phone when we are talking that I snap. He is not sure if he can keep going like this. That he doesn't want to be with someone like his ex. That with everything going on around me, I don't have the time he needs from me. Thats freaking amazing. Whenever we are together its the whole family thing with his son or I'm watching him work around the house. He has to wait till his parents are in bed, even though he lives next door on their property, before he can leave to see me cause he doesn't want them to hear his truck. I've gotten dropped off by friends at his place and have had to sneak up to his house. I hate feeling like a teenager. I want everything in the open. I'm just tired of this. I don't know what to do anymore. If I hadn't made the promises I have or the fact I know better, I would probably start cutting myself. I am losing it. I don't even like myself much anymore. This is just shit. Now we are going to go to dinner to celebrat my cousin's birthday. We are also telling my grandmother that my cousin's gf, who is like a younger sister to me, is pregnant. This should be freaking interesting. I better go. I feel a little better getting everything off my chest, or at least most of it.
01 December 2009 @ 02:35 am
wow. so i talked to an ex of mine from likfe five years ago. all I can say is wow. I know your reading this. This is the one place I can express my true feelings. I can't believe he remembers all he does. Yes, sister of mine, this is the one you called my stalker. Its amazing. out of all my ex boyfriends he's the one who remembers so much. I'm shocked and amazed. Almost makes me wish he was here instead of up there. maybe soon I can visit him. I know he is the one person who would never try to change me and would only want the best for me. He would never expect anything from me that I wasn't willing to do. its crazy. I actually realized tonight how much i miss him and wish i could see him. THe if only's and shit keep going through my mind. oh well. shit happens. I have to get over it. the past is the past. I could never... shit... good night love you all
thoughtful27 November 2009 @ 09:26 pm
I'm so crazy! Thanksgiving was definitly interesting. I went to my aunt's house first. I enjoyed myself surprisingly. I got a ride from my cousin when he was leaving and went to his girlfriends house. I knew her before he did and we are like sisters. Its funny cause I tell everyone that my sister is dating my cousin. I enjoyed myself so much. Its been so long since I was able to spend time with them. After that my cousin dropped me off at my boyfriend's house. I was kinda nervouse because of my stupidity the night before. I didn't tell him. I don't want to loose him. I realized that last night. Dinner was okay over there. As soon as I walked in the door the bf told me I had a child to deal with. His son was acting up. I went and talked to the rugrat. For some reason I have such a way with children. I got him to come out and eat with us and to eat some turkey instead of just garlic bread. We watched some tv with the bf's parents and his son. I ha a migraine from hell. Finally got the rugrat in the shower then into his bed. We went to his little one bedroom house next door and I curled up in bed. After his shower he pulled me into his arms. It felt so right. He was being so sweet. I wondered where the jackass had went. He gave me a neck and shoulder massage. He even gave me a foot massage. He was so sweet. Reminded me why I cared about him so much. He even let me sleep in cause of the migraine. He woke me up in the sweetest way. I was sound asleep and he slipped into bed next to me and pulled me into his arms and softly kissed me awake. He held me and said the sweetest things. It was a wonderful time. Reminded me of what I needed to remember. If only he was like that every day. That would be great. I know better. I was joking around last night and told him he needed to get a tattoo of a stargazer lilly because of me... then i told him i would get a jackass for him. it was really funny. I hope this works out. I hope everyone had a happy thanksgiving. I think I'm going to try and get some sleep. The meds his dad gave me for my migraine is making me sleepy. love you all!!
loved26 November 2009 @ 01:43 am
SO... We all know I am not one to cheat. At all. I don't believe in it. I'm definitly going into self destruct mode. so... fucked up. I'm watching the rugrat tonight. I'm basically watching him every night this week. Well, I have this friend... yes I met him on the internet. No you can't bitch at me cause I met most of you on the internet. Well, we been talking as friends for a while. Just bullshit stuff. I didn't tell him that i had a bf. Never thought to. Well, I sora invited him over... actully I asked if we would ever meet in person... well one thing led to another and he came over. I know I'm going to be asked who was over last night by mom and others. I am just saying that one of my friends borrowed a car to come see me for a few. Anyways, we were on the couch talking. He starts tickling me. Everyone knows I love a good tickle fight. Well, we kept tickling each other off and on. We watched Get Smart during it. Well, when we were tickling at one point he looked at me and kissed me. I was caught by surprise. Of course, i just blew it off. He did it again. When the movie was over he went home. Did I cheat?? I don't know! I do care about the bf. Everything is getting to me. I'm going to try and forget it. I think I'll finish laundry and then crash. Hope everyone has a Happy thanksgiving!!!
24 November 2009 @ 08:09 pm
As you all know I'm pretty much on here every now and then. I'm living with my Aunt. Its great. Sooo much better than with my own. I just lost my job friday. When it rains it tends to pour on me. Me and the guess you can say new bf... its been interesting. We have been together for a month. Everything was going good till I hit that funky mood where I just want to hide. He doesn't really like it but its the way I am. It seems as if all we do is fight now. He made the mood last so much longer than it normally does. I think he's pulling away. I'm starting to think it may be a good idea. I mean seriously. If he is going to throwa fit because I wasn't going to change my plans when i got fired to hang out with my friends.... give me a break. he was a complete jackass because I didn't want to hang out with him I wanted my friends. Just like I had my aunt pick me up because I wanted her and my grandma and not him. He can't seem to understand that. Just because I wanted one night with my friends. Give me a break. I'm almost tempted to go back to online relationships... least I can seem to make those last. I so need a weekend away from everyone here. I want to disappear to a place I havn't been where no one knows me. I'm getting depressed which most know happens this time of year. Self destruct mode is so hard not to get in right now. Its so hard not to. At least when I'm in that mode I don't care about anything. I can actually have fun and not worry. Bad thing is... that its getting so bad.... i been picturing cutting myself... Thats not good. I try so hard not to hate myself anymore... I do though... its not good. Its really hard. I feel like a complete failure. its so not the right time of year right now. well i got to go. bf is bugging me. probably mad that i'm not making him the center of my world. love and miss you all. dont be strangers!!
13 October 2009 @ 01:08 pm
I know I seldom get on here anymore. so much has gone but you know how that is. Still with the pyscho mom and bro. that will never change it seems. i finally got a phone again thankfully. it took me finding a really nice guy. and we are just friends for now. may end up more. i have no idea. just going with the flow for once. I'm holding my own. hes a jackass just like me! he also has a son. been kinda nervous hanging around him but we are bonding. its kinda fun! i'm working at a cici's. its interesting. at least its a job right now. my managers are interesting. just been going crazy around here. think i need to get away one of these days. gots to go....
10 July 2009 @ 10:32 am
I know its been a while since I've posted. I really should update more. Well, lets see how much my life has gone down hill again. Me and the bf moved into moms house like she wanted. I should have known better. She left to Laredo for a job. Yeah that didn't last long. She came back and it seemed like we could do nothing right. We were going through hard times and couldn't seem to give her all the money she said we needed too. It was suppose to get us back on our feet but put us more in debt. Needless to say, she wouldn't tell him to get out. She made me do it. You can imagine how that went over.I helped him move all the stuff we could. He hugged me, kissed me, and told me he loved me. A few days later I was finally able to call him and he didn't want to talk. I haven't heard from him since. He hung up on me that last time. I guess I'm single. Needless to say I've been trying my hardest not to go into self destruct mode. Trust me thats not a pretty sight. I usually go crazy not caring what I wear or who I end up with. I just want some sort of affection. This time I'm not so bad. I feel as if I can't care about anything. My mother drove away the one person I could see myself spending my life with. And she wonders why I don't seem like I care about anything. She was yelling at me so bad and didn't realize what she was saying. She actually told me that I might as well kill myself. You don't say that to your kids. Its the worse thing a parent can do. And she wonders why I been battling depression since i was 15. hmmm I wonder. than I found out that the bf text my sister and told her he was fine. She doesn't think he is. Now I'm worried. He also left me an address to send his mail to. Didn't say anything about me writing him. He told her to tell me he was sorry. Sorry about what? Why can't he get ahold of me somehow. I'm wondering if he really meant it when he told me he loved me. Everything reminds me of him. I go out with my family and swear I see him but I know its not him. He's gone. He moved away. I feel as if my heart is shattered into a billion peices that will never be put back together. I just don't care anymore. I don't care about anything. I started trying to talk to people again and make friends. yeah. that went over real well. Started talking to this guy named johnny. Just as friends. He went running his mouth to my aunt and his sister and the rest of the pool team. Told them that I was clingy and he didn't want to hurt my feelings. thats bullshit. He told me to text him. He told me to call him. He told me to show up when he was playing. I showed up just to show up one night. When he got there he came up to me and started talking to me. It wasn't the other way around. And I'm the clingy one? I give up. 3 things in less than 24 hours. I don't think so. I'm done. If you want to talk to me. Then you can find a way. Kinda fucked up. But its okay. I been talking to a guy in pearland on yahoo. He's really nice. seems to like me and doesn't want more than friendship either. I also got talked into goin out wednesday with bro and his friend. That was an interesting night. I played in the dart tournament. There was this cute guy there. He was hanging out with this girl who can't stand me. I never did anything or said anything for her to act the way she does. Its because of my mom and brother that she doesn't like me. I don't care. Well he started picking on me. We introduced ourselves and he started talking to me. We played some pool and some darts. Even had my bro and his friend talking to him. The girl was pissed. He pretty much ignored her. I got so many go to hell looks. It was funny to me. 'sides the last time I knew she was a lesbian, so why was she so mad that he started talking to me? If she only knew that he ended up pretty drunk and I ended up driving his car back to my place. My bro even texted my mom to let her know that he was crashing with me. I woke up the next morning and couldn't believe I had let him slip in the same bed as me. Nothing happened. Just kinda threw me. I realize that even if I am single. I can't have sex right now. I feel as if I'm still with the bf. I know that we are broken up. his silence has pretty much told me that. But in my heart I belong with him. I don't know if I will ever be ready for anyone else. I hate this right now. I think I'm closing my self off and am just looking for some fun right now. Its been so long when I just had fun. The last few months have been hell. I still havn't broke down yet. I wont let myself. If I break down I don't know if I can put myself back together. Damn I really need to post more. This is it for now. Didn't get much sleep last night so I'm going to try for a nap. Love ya'll!!!
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: 
depressed
depressedCurrent Music: "Winner at a Losing Game" by Rascal Flatts
06 January 2009 @ 12:17 pm
go figure. As soon as i think things are going good shit happens. I lost my job. Technically tomorrow is my last day. Im so tired of this shit. Im sorry i dont suck up but i never have. And im sorry i know her business but we shared an office and its kinda hard not too. I put in for a day off last month. Not my fault she forgot and scheduled her vaction for that week. Just because i dont suck up and lie i got fired. But of course she blames it on other things. I get a good reference. Still fucked up. So upset. So plan on gettin drunk this week.
09 December 2008 @ 09:05 am
Another year flies by and I seldom found a way to get on here. That just sucks!! Its almost christmas and I been thinking alot about the things that have happened this year. It makes me realize how happy I am now compared to last year. I have actually settled down with someone my family adores. I've been told i would be disowned if anything happens with this one. I also have been living with him for the last four or five months now. We have been together for six. I havn't had a relationship last this long since i was twenty. Scary thought. I think I have finally found my other half. We have had some hard times but thats what happens when your with a psycho bitch like me!! No one is perfect! He has been trying to teach me how to spend money on myself without worrying about prices. Please.... like that will ever happen! I'm a bargain shopper. If its not on sale i doubt I'll get it. He's also trying to get me to be a lil more country. Thats interesting. I have my first pair of cowboy boots now. That is just funny!!! I can't wait for sis to get here. The waiting is driving me crazy!!! It helped that she sent chocolate to munch on. Is march here yet??? I been having weird dreams but the most reoccuring one is the one where he proposes. I'm actually scared that will happen. If not we will just live in sin and enjoy every minute of it. I bet my dad would just love that one. My older half bro and sis have been in touch. I think they are crazy. still wonder what possessed her to call me since I've given up on that side of the family a long time ago. I made my own family and I'm happy with it!!! I also have a new job as an assisstant to an apartment manager! Crazy I know. I love my boss. She is a crazy mexican chic like me!!! Its so much fun comming to work now. Even crazier that my ex from jr high is one of my tenants!!! he still wants me. I'm still hot!!!! I been losing weight maybe thats it!! Gots to go. Work calls! hugs n kisses to those I love!!!
17 October 2008 @ 06:28 pm
wohoo!!! finally made it to update! As most know IKE did a number on us in Texas, I survived it!!! I been living with my bf for a few months now. Things are going well. Thanks to Ike I have no job. Roof of restuarant blew off. I'm okay though. Bf is taking care of things. Three months ago I ended up in the ER. Inflamed Ovarian Cysts again. I'm good. Think I was preggers and didn't know it. If that was true then I had a miscarraige the weekend after the hurricane. Of course, knowing me, I didn't realize that you are more fertile after one. There's a chance I'm preggers again. Don't know for sure but have a few signs. Its okay though. We both want children and I never thought I would be able to have one. Lifes funny lil quirks. But I gots to go. Mom almost out of shower and don't need her seeing this. Love you all!!
crazy03 March 2008 @ 04:16 pm
my boss isn't too happy now. I put in my two week notice wednesday. I've had it with him and the others. I put up with too much shit and not enough pay. Also, he wouldn't take taxes out of my check even though i'm full time. He seems to think he can get away with me being sub contract work. I don't think so. Sorry but your about to be screwed. Not really sorry at all. oh well shit happens. I'm working at the restuarant. Its a lot of fun! I really like it and once i'm done at the office job i'll be working as many hours as i want wich is awesome. I'm just that good!!! anways wanted to update. Miss you all!!!
blah18 February 2008 @ 09:56 am
I know Its been a month since i've updated. I know have two jobs. I wait tables at night. I work monday night, wed night, thur night, pull a double on sat, and work sunday night. I only have tues night off for darts and friday night off. This is going to wear me out but I have no choice in the matter now. I'm getting better. I have had a lot of happy moments lately. my friend has been a little ass but thats okay. its because of his behavior that me and Shane have gotten closer. We talk almost every day at least once if not two or three times a day. I see him at least once a week. This weekend he spent all weekend at my house. I thought he went home saturday... I get home early cause I didn't take a break and imagine my surprise when mom tells me he's still at my house. I thought it was funny! it was nice being held. me and mom are doing good. She is worried that i'm doing the same thing I usually do. She just doesn't want me hurt or screwed over. I told her I didn't plan to be. I'm not rushing things. We are still not officially bf and gf. I like the fact that I can date someone else even if I choose not to. Shane brought it up friday. He told me I was the coolest girl he's ever dated and that he was worried if we made it official that things would change. I told him thanks and then explained that things wouldn't change as long as we made sure that this is how we want it. I may have made the comment that if he tries to control me I would end up controling him and I could do it a lot better. What can I say? He made the comment that he calls me his gf behind my back anyways. hahaha I do the same thing to him. Its shorter than saying one of the guys i'm seeing. we do spend a lot of what little free time i have together. its nice but we still have our time apart and that is what I love about this. So things are good. My car is acting up... I'm driving it till it dies while saving up the money to get a new motor. anyone want to donate to the car fund? just kiddin. I'm rambling i know. I'm just tired and waiting for tech to go so i can sneak a nap in before lunch. I got a new shirt. I'm sure some of ya'll would appreciate. its simply states... I Want It All ( and I want it smothered in chocolate with whipped cream and a cherry on top)! How much does that reflect me? I deserve it all and I'm not settling. Its great! well gots to go. need to check up on some things!!! much love!!!!
nauseated